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Thursday, January 19, 2012
Subconscious Programming: the Story of My Life
When I was about five or six years old, I was living with my grand parents. My parents only visit me at weekends and when I was sick. Like other kids, I spent my days at school, then playing, jumping and laughing around the house. Occasionally, my grandpa would catch me and my sister laughing and shouting, making all those annoying noises. And he would gave us warnings not to cause troubles.
A few times later, he would catch my sister and me laughing and jumping around, hurting our selves with the wall or some other accidents that you can imagine and my sister would then cry. His reaction at the time, was to sit down and explain to us according to the rules of the Buddha, the Dharma, that he had learned from the pagoda. He said that the Buddha taught us about the middle path. So, in this case, you should not be too happy or too sad. When you play, you play moderately, not too much. Other wise, Sabay Klay Chea Tukha or "happiness becomes sorrow".
Being an obedient child, I most of the time took my grandpa's words very seriously. The next time I played with my sister or other kids at the neighborhood, I would tell them to play moderately.
Next thing I knew, I spent most my teenage year, being a very moderate girl and keep telling my self not to have too much fun. So, I would not smile or laugh too much. But rather control my feeling and rather look serious.
Why? Because, those words were implanted in my brain. We all know that a child accept everything as fact and true.
Not that what my grand father said was bad, or that I object any of the Buddha's teaching, but I only reflects here, how that simple advice effected my youth life.
Somehow, in my sub-conscious mind, I told my self that having too much is bad. So, any time I find my self being in a situation to enjoy my self, I would drag my self our of it. Like during my late teenage years, if I want to sing or dance in a party, I will always ask my self if doing this is a bad thing or not. If it will hurt me or not.
Not only that, I most of the time have a doubt in my mind about the worldly pleasure that one can obtain from the use of money. And then I would conclude that having too much money is bad and rich people are not moderate people, so they are greedy, and I do not want to be one of them. And then it becomes my life principle that I will not be poor, but not too rich either. I have to be a moderate person.
Looking back, I now realize that nothing can be definitely true. Everything I hear from my ego self is only a result from my subconscious programming/belief.
What is the purpose of life? happiness.
The Buddha seeks Nirvana, the highest level of happiness. He did not tell us to seek only moderate happiness. he told us to seek the highest level of happiness. So, why should I not be happy?
This lesson tells me to be very careful with whatever I tell my child. And I will make sure that she knows that she is loved, entitled to fullest happiness and that she is a greatest creature who can do and become whoever and whatever she wants.
How about you?
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
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